Friends For Johna
Marrow Donor Drives

  Sunday, October 8th, 2006
  Gretna, NE
  More Information

  Tuesday, September 19th, 2006
  UNMC, Omaha, NE
  More Information

  Monday, August 14th, 2006
  Columbus, NE
  More Information
    Pictures!

  Saturday, August 5th, 2006
  Lincoln, NE
  More Information  Flyer
    Pictures!

The Story

Pictures:
 Johna's New Birthday
 Light the Night Walk
 Mommy & Me
 Halloween 2006
 Thanksgiving 2006
   Letter

Hello everybody!

    I thought I would write a mass message to all of you and let you know what is going on with me for right now.  First of all I want to thank so many of you for the emails, cards, phone calls, prayers, thoughts, and generous gifts.  You truly cannot understand the magnitude of support I feel from all of you.  As you know, I have not been the best person about responding to emails in a timely manner.  I can only apologize.   I save all of your emails and even file them into "folders", but I have been on such an emotional roller coaster that it has been hard for me to keep a lot of "2 way" communication going.   I feel horrible, because I felt that I have left a lot of friends down and that is not what I intend.   I have spent all summer away from home (Columbus) and have had so much to deal with that I sometimes think I built myself a little safety hole for me to crawl into and hide.   Again, I apologize and hope you accept.   I do plan on getting better...afterall, I am going to be in the hospital for 100 days! :(

     I am so mixed with many emotions right now.   My leukemia has grown resistant to chemotherapy and so this transplant is my last chance at life.   I will be going into this transplant with residual leukemia in my body and that is not the way the doctors like to do this.   I have no choice and have no more time.   I ask for your prayers on Friday as that will be the day that I will receive the transplant and hopefully celebrate a new birthday.   I will be surrounded by family and loved ones while the transplant takes place (very simple process really).

     The chemo I will be receiving on Monday and Tuesday will be 10 times "more lethal" than any chemo I have ever received.  On Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday (2 times a day) I will be receiving total body radiation.  As you can imagine, I am very scared about all of this.   What they are doing to me is trying to wipe out all of my cells and even the leukemia ones.... why I need such strong dosage.  Without getting the donor's cells, my own cells would never grow on their own again...that is why they call the donor cells RESCUE.   I may be quite sick for awhile so I may not be answering the phone.  You are more than welcome to call Brian anytime.

    I also want to thank those of you who made the Lincoln Donor Drive for myself a success!  My family and I were so deeply touched by the number of people who came to donate.   I wanted so bad to be there and see all of you, but my immune system was just too low and I couldn't risk it.  I won't know where my donor came from, but all of you just possibly made another family one step closer to realizing their dream for their own loved one.   If you get a call, please don't hesitate to donate!

    Thank you.

    I was able to finally go back to Columbus this weekend before checking into the Omaha Med. Center tomorrow [Monday, September 18th].  It was the first time since June 10.  I have always had to be in Omaha or Lincoln for treatments or IV antibiotics that kept me tied to my doctors.   It was great to be back here, if only for two days where I got to feel like a wife and a mother again at home.  It is the little things we all take for granted.  My life seems to be made up of short term goals right now...this week, next week, next month, etc.  A long term goal that I will share is to walk Jamison into his preschool class next year along with Brian.   (Afterall I am a teacher myself :) )   I feel this so strong in my heart, I pray all the time for myself to experience this moment in time.

     I know this message was a little bit of a downer, you know that I do not like to be like this at all.   Laughter is what I like best.  I just felt like I finally needed to speak out and let all of you know what I was thinking about.  I am hoping for a safe recovery from this week, and a healthy start towards a cure.  Afterall, I have many things to look forward to: being a mother to Jamison, a wife to Brian, a daughter, a friend, a teacher to my students, and of course all of my reality shows! ha ha ha Go Survivor!

Blessings upon all of you.
Sincerely,
JOHNA KOZAK